#2630
A stranger in a strange land
Date: 01/29/2003
From: MickeyTheGardener
And they don't come stranger then Canada. (OK, for the sake of fairness, I do like Canads. But for the sake of rping, Canada is funny!)
(Mickey is enjoying his stay in Canada. Thanks to the exchange rate, he's been buying three times as much soup as usual, he's been enjoying hockey without the giggles of his American brethren, and he laughs because everyone sounds like those wacky McKenzie brothers. But things are about to turn for the worse, as we shall soon see)
Mickey: (Reads above) Turn for the worse??? Oh no!!! What do I do?
(Just stick to the script, dumbass)
Mickey: OK. Ortega? What are you doing here? Auditioning for Canadian Idol?
Ortega: I got a job working for Rowsdower. The pizza and bulldozer rental buisness is booming!
Mickey: Uh huh. What's with the femmy necklace.
Ortega: It was my fathers!
Mickey: You've got a weird ass family there, Ortega.
Ortega: SO! What are you doing up here, some exciting Canadian GROPE mission? PM steal the Big Nickel?
Mickey: He better not have! No, I....I'm not in GROPE anymore. Lita kicked me out.
Ortega: *snicker* Oh, I'm ...heh... sorry for you...(Bursts into uncontrollable laughter)
Mickey: You don't have to rub it in.
Ortega: Yes I do! I can't believe you let Lita boss you around like that.
Mickey: Yeah, well....
Ortega: Don't you wish....
Mickey: No, no, I'm fine....look, I have three times as much soup as I do in America! Canada rocks! Of course....I have to learn the metric system and all the tv channels are screwed up. And what the hell is Much Music? Teggy, I want to go back to GROPE!
Ortega: It's all Lita's fault! Just, don't you wish...
Mickey: I bought a bar, Teggy. Is that so wrong? I mean, everyone loves booze!
Ortega: Yeah, what are you gonna do? Hey, I got a crazy idea!
Mickey: I just....I just wish Carmelita9000 never joined GROPE.
Ortega: (Turns around)
Mickey: GAH!!!
Ortega: Done (Notices Mickey) What, did my face turn all bumpy?
Mickey: No more than usual (sly smile)
Ortega: Very funny wise ass.
The Bespectacled Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
President of the I Hate Dawn Club
President of the John Lee Supertaster Fan Club
Post Narc x4
Hey, this sounds oddly familliar....
Red Light
(And to the non VBP fan, my next set of replies takes place in an alternate universes. Do not stop your plot or incorporate any of my plot into your replies. OK?)
#2631
(Mickey finds himself in GROPE hq...
Date: 01/30/2003
From: MickeyTheGardener
....or is it? Yes. Yes it is)
Mickey: Tork! Thank goodness you're here. I just had the weirdest dream.
Tork: Well, you shouldn't eat soup before you go to bed. Now get ready, the meetings about to start.
Mickey: Meeting? We never had meetings before. What is it? STG still trying to get in?
Tork: What are you talking about? STG's in GROPE already.
Mickey: Oh. I must've been out for a long time, then. Hey, since when do we have pictures of PM up on the wall?
(sometime later, the meeting is about to take place. Mickey makes his way to his seat)
Mickey: Rimmi! Great to see you. STG? Always a pleasure. Buffalo, good to see...Buffalo?
Buffalo: Well, it's good to see ya to Mickey. You's been sleepin' a long tayme!
Mickey: Apparently so.
Rick: OK, everybody, everybody, settle down. Let's have an awed hush for our leader.
(Awed hush)
PM: (Sitting at the head of the table) I'm pleased to report our theft of the big nickel went off without a hitch.
Mickey: Nooooooooo!!! Not the big nick....PM? What's our arch nemesis doing at GROPE headquarters? And why are his henchmen here? And why's STG here?
STG: I have cute talking aminal sidekicks.
PM: Mickey? Are you feeling ok? You don't usually have outbursts like this. Unless someone taped over Green Acres.
Buffalo: Sorry. Govuner Pataki was on Meet th' Press.
Mickey: You! You! This isn't right! This isn't GROPE!
Tork: Yes it is. It's the Get Riches for Old PM Elite squad!
Mickey: Noooooooooooooo!!!! (Runs away)
PM: We really should have him killed. Now....who's up for stealing the Boll Weevil Monument in Alabama?
Gramps: (Jumping through the window, all dramatic) Not so fast, Mobius! You whippersnapper!
PM: A white hat! Get him!
Gramps: *gulp* I'm outnumbered! Requesting back up! Oh, crap....there's no batteries in my communicator. Dang blasted new fangled gizmos. (Gets captured)
(Meanwhile.......)
Mickey: This isn't right, I have to fix this. I have to fix this. But how?
(As if on cue, the Big Misunderstood Sex Machine aka the armored car from the beginning of Diabolik pulls up next to Mickey. The window rolls down.)
Mickey: No, I don't have any Grey Poupon.
Linky: Get in.
Mickey: Oh no. No getting in cars with underage girls for me. I've learned my lesson
Linky: (poins a gun at Mickey) Get in.
Mickey: OK (gets in) Hey, what's with those goofy white hats you're all wearing? Isn't it after Labor Day?
Sam: We're the good guys. Don't you get it? White hats? Turkey.
Mickey: This is too weird.
Manute: Are we there yet? Manute tired of laying down in the back.
The Bespectacled Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
President of the I Hate Dawn Club
President of the John Lee Supertaster Fan Club
Post Narc x4
Frank Covey. That bastard.
Red Light.
#2632
(Mickey and the White Hats arrive
Date: 01/30/2003
From: MickeyTheGardener
at NOTEUROPE High's library)
Mickey: This isn't right. We have to get Lita. She was supposed to be here.
Linky: Lita? Which one? There's like 58 of them.
Mickey: Only 58?
Sam: Yes. Sadly, most of those groovy chicks were killed in the Servo the Dictator war.
Mickey: Well, what about 9000? She's alive, I hope.
Linky: Yes....but I don't think she'd care about us. What with her #1 rated television show and all.
Mickey: TV show? I think you're getting your alternate realities mixed up.
Linky: No she has one in this one too. It's all about her wacky misadventures with her romantically mismatched husband, Apathetic Mike.
Mickey: NBC?
Linky: Yup.
Mickey: Well, get her...she's supposed to be here, it's all suppose....(A gunshot fires and Mickey falls dead)
Linky: You son of a bitch...
Jimmy: Hey, don't talk about our mother like that. (Leaves)
(Later)
PM: Good job, Jimmy. Now dance! (Takes out a laser gun and starts shooting at Jimmy's feet)
Jimmy: Ack! (Starts dancing)
Rimmi: Tee hee! Can I play with the puppy?
PM: (Tosses ger the keys) Just try not to go too rough this time.
Rimmi: Oh, I'll try. (Goes down to the basement)
PM: She really hasn't been the same since that Malcolm Frink guy dumped her.
(IN the basement)
Rimmi: Here, puppy! Nice puppy (Unlocks the cage)
Evil Mike: (All chained up in the corner) (Sarcastically) Woof
Rimmi: Good boy.
The late Mickey T. Gardener
X President of the I Hate Dawn Club
X President of the John Lee Supertaster Fan Club
Former Post Narc
Red Light
Manute: Get him out of here. Manute already thinks he's starting to stink
#2633
[Meanwhile, on the set of Joe Robot...]
Date: 02/01/2003
From: PharaohMobius
<<<Reality TV Mode>>>
[Tork, to camera.] I've got to admit, I didn't know what I was getting myself into when I signed up for this show. Some of these women are downright scary! Leech woman just wants me for my pineal juice, that Jody girl seems like some kind of a delinquent (I think she might have a whip!), and Babs... just scares me.
[Tork suddenly notices a woman in her early 30's sitting by herself, looking a bit put off by the other contestants. He goes over to her and sits down.]
[Tork] Hi there.
[Woman] Oh, hi. You're Joe, aren't you?
[Tork] My name isn-- nevermind. Yes, I'm Joe. What's your name?
[Woman] Madeline. Madeline Cooper.
[Tork] Nice to meet you. :o)
[Madeline] :o)
[Tork] So... there sure are some... uh... interesting women competing here, huh?
[Madeline] That's one word for them. "Scary" is another good one for a lot of them.
[Tork laughs.] Isn't *that* the truth? You seem pretty nice, though.
[Madeline] Thanks. :o)
[Tork] I'm really not the womanizer they made me out to be. I'm mainly in this to find a wife so I can have children. [Thinking:] Phew! I almost admitted that I'm doing it for the money!
[Madeline] Wow... I didn't know robots could father children!
[Tork] Uh... I'm a very advanced model. Yeah, that's it.
[Madeline] Oh, I see! Well, if you like children so much you should be pleased to know that I already have a son. If you pick me, we'll have a head start on a family!
[Tork] A son, eh? How old is he?
[Madeline] Why don't I call him in here so you can meet him? Oh Jonathan! Come here, honey!
[A 5-year-old boy enters the room. It's obvious just from looking at him that he's got a nasty disposition.]
[Jonathan] What is it, Madeline? I'm busy!
[Tork, thinking.] Why does this kid seem familiar? [Out loud] You let him call you Madeline?
[Madeline] Oh, that's because Jonathan is my special little man!
[Jonathan] Give it a rest, you barren hag! [To Tork.] And what's *your* deal? Do you host some crappy PBS show or something in that ridiculous getup, or what?
[Madeline] Jonathan! Joe is a robot, and maybe your future daddy.
[Jonathan] Oh really? You tell him you're sterile yet?
[Tork poins at Jonathan.] You quit sassing your mother, you... [He looks at Madeline.] you... rascal, you.
[Jonathan] What did you call me? I'm *this* close to writing a review that'll nuke your little show back into the stone age, pal! Then you'll be laughing out the other side of your--
[Tork] Wait a second. Review? Jonathan? Madeline? Oh my God... [He starts backing away from Madeline.]
[Madeline] What is it, Joe? What's wrong?
[Tork] Jonathan isn't your son, is he?
[Madeline] Of course he is!
[Tork] No he's not. He's your husband, who got turned into a baby. And now you're raising him as your own son.
[Jonathan] Bing bing bing! Give that man a cigar! And a personality, while you're at it.
[Madeline, with a weak grin.] How did you guess?
[Rather than answer, Tork runs away, screaming. He isn't watching very closely where he's going, so it's no surprise when he collides with a blond woman.]
[Tork] Ooof! Sorry about that. I just had to--
[Woman] Hello, Tork.
[Tork] How do you know my rea-- [He realizes who it is and stops short.] Crap!
[Sunday] Now is that any way to greet your loving wife, Tork dearest?
[Tork] Sunday! I... I... I...
[Sunday] I know, darling. We've been apart too long. I've been longing to plant a little smack on your cheek.
[Tork, confused.] Really?
[Sunday] Yes, dearest. Really. [She smacks him hard across the face (of course), knocking him over.] Now, what's this nonsense I hear about you trying to find *another* wife?
[Tork] Eeeeep!
[Uh oh! How's Tork going to talk his way out of this one? And how is it going to affect how the other contestants react to him? Find out in the next thrilling episode of "Joe Robot"!!1!]
TmPM
Ah... young love!
...or something.
Sarcophagus!
#2634
Aw hell and kittens and stuff!!!
Date: 02/01/2003
From: PharaohMobius
<<<Dangit!!!>>>
Okay, ignore all the stuff about Tork and Sunday being married. Apparently, that didn't happen in continuity.
Just ignore all the "wife" talk and make the scene into Sunday exerting her stalkeryness on Tork, and it'll work.
PM
Ooopsie!
#2635
Ha! Ha!
Date: 02/01/2003
From: Tork_110
<Tork poins at PM.>
Tork: You dope, we're not married! Right Sunday?
Sunday: ...
Tork: I mean, we did get married outside the rp, during the WR3, but we didn't get married in TftD.
Sunday: ...
Tork: Not that I'm ashamed about being married to you, it's just that I....you're going to hurt me, aren't you?
Sunday: Oh yeah.
<Hey kids! Put on your 3D glasses, and you can really see the blood fly!>
#2636
You go to hell, Tork!
Date: 02/01/2003
From: PharaohMobius
<<<Glug, glug, glug>>>
And since you're not married, you give me back that toaster oven I gave you two at your "not-wedding not-reception." Hmmph!
PM [Pharaoh]
#2637
Rimmi: Lita, we need to talk.
Date: 02/02/2003
From: Carmelita9000
............................................................
Lita: <Looking up from a magazine> Yeeeeeees?
Rimmi: What are we doing here?
Lita: Well, that's hard to say. But I like to think that we're here to do the best we can to make the world somehow nicer--
Rimmi: No, Lita. Not why do we exist. I mean, why are we in GROPE.
Lita: Oh, that. Well, see, PM is a great big jerk and he called us nasty things and we formed GROPE to make him pay.
Rimmi: Right. Have we done anything to PM lately?
Lita: Umm...
Rimmi: Remember when GROPE used to be about the revenge?
Lita: Oh. Ok, well, um I guess that we could plan out a...
Rimmi: Plan, nothing. You're going to go out right now and get some revenge.
Lita: Me? What, by myself? Now?
Rimmi: You got a problem with that?
Lita: Yes!
Rimmi: You wouldn't be by yourself. You can take some of your clones or something.
Lita: And aren't you coming?
Rimmi: No. I have things to do.
Lita: Things? What things?
Rimmi: Rimmi things.
Lita: And what am I supposed to do to PM on such short notice, pray tell?
Rimmi: I'm sure you'll think of something.
Lita: Ugh. Whatever. Fine. Geez. I better go get Spidey. <She does so.>
EM: <sidling up to Rimmi now that Lita's gone> I know what this is about, Ass. You wanted to get Lita out of the way so you and I could *GAAAAAAK*!!!!!!
Rimmi: This has nothing to do with you! It's about revenge! And how many times do I have to tell you to stop calling me Ass??
EM: *choke* I got it. *choke* So can you please remove your vice-like grip *choke* from my trachea?
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Dawn Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Spekkio Club
Red Light
#2638
<Lita finds MSTBlanca>
Date: 02/02/2003
From: Carmelita9000
...........................................................
<Somehow, even though MSTBlanca jumps around a lot, it's never hard for people to find when it suits the plot. Lita has brought with her clones 42, 8714, and 6969.>
Lita: Ok. 8714, do you know what to do?
8714: Yes. But I don't see how this will work. It's a crowded bar. We're so going to get caught.
Lita: That's why the rest of us are here! To be distracting!
6969: I know exactly how to distract them!
Lita: You keep your clothes on.
6969: Awww...
<The Litas go inside.>
8714: Cripes... There's a lot of people.
6969: See that stage over there? I totally got it handled.
Lita: You're planning to take your clothes off, I can tell. You stay here. 42, you're on the stage.
42: What? But I don't want to go up in front of all these people!
Lita: Do it for the team! Come on!
42: Fine. <She takes the stage and taps the microphone. Everybody looks expectantly at her.> Hello. Um... I'd like to recite a poem I wrote. It's called... Um... "Solitude's Sweet Sssssssomething..." (Geez, what am I doing?) *ahem*
I sit in my basement, and look at my cat.
Why does it stare at me like that?
Anonymous Audience Member: TAKE IT OFF!!1!
6969: I told you you should have let me go up there.
Lita: Hush. Ok, everybody's distracted. Let's get to work.
8714: What about PM and Nabut? They don't seem interested in the poetry reading.
6969: I'll take care of them.
Lita: But-- <6969 walks over to them> *mutter* Just keep your clothes on.
6969: <approaching PM and Nabut> Hiya boys! What's going on?
PM & Nabut: <in unison, even> Hi Lita6969!
6969: I hate to bother you, but I have something I want to show you.
PM: What is it?
6969: It's outside. You have to come see it. It's very important.
Nabut: You better let me handle this, my Lieachpige. You're too busy to bother with this.
PM: No, no, Nabut. I think if she wants to show me something *important* I should handle it personally. Myself. You needn't bother yourself.
Nabut: Really, it's no bother.
6969: You can both come look at it if you want.
PM & Nabut: No!
PM: Er... that is, I'm sure one of us is sufficient. Nabut, you stay here and take care of the bar. Looks like Lita42 is reading some of her wonderful...
42: <onstage> Black paint covers the walls of my heart,
Yet I have no neon posters, no black light,
PM: ...poetry... *shudder*
Nabut: <mumbles under his breath> I hate you...
PM: What was that?
Nabut: Oh, I was just expressing my... joy... at having this rare opportunity to listen to this...art... while you are only get to hang out with Lita6969 here. I'm extatic. <He looks miserable>
PM: Glad to hear it. Lita6969, shall we go?
<Nabut goes to listen to the poetry. Lita6969 and PM step outside, arm in arm.>
Lita: <glares in the general direction of where 6969 and PM just went, but decides she has more important things to do right now. She takes a stepladder out from under her arm.> Ok. You ready to get started?
<8714 holds up a sack full of tools and materials and stuff. They head toward PM's office and get to work.>
42: <onstage> I see in all directions.
I am all-seeing.
FREEEEEEEDOM!!1!!
Lita: *shudder* I knew it. My inability to write poetry is in my DNA.
Buffalo: Ah don't ackshully thank it's so baid. Ah should wraht some music to go with it on my git-tar.
Lita: Gah! What are you doing over here??
Buffalo: Ah caim over heyer tah talk teh yew, Cupcake II.
Lita: But... I'm busy! Go somewhere else for a while!
8714: Go talk to him, 9000. You're just holding my ladder anyway. I think I can do this myself.
Lita: Are you sure? Well... uh... <Seeing she has no choice, Lita walks over to a quiet corner with Buffalo.>
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Dawn Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Spekkio Club
Red Light
#2639
the continuation
Date: 02/02/2003
From: Carmelita9000
............................................................
42: <still onstage> Do you hear me?
DO YOU HEAR ME?
I hear only quietude--
Hey! Sam! I see you walking away! That is so rude! You come back here! I am pouring out my heart here and you will listen to the whole thing!!!
Sam: This is seriously un-mellow.
42: Don't make me cry in front of all these people, Sam!
Sam: Ok, fine, little lady. I dig. <He sits back down>
42: I see dead people.
But is anybody really LIVING? <she ignores the groans from the audience>
***
<Outside>
PM: So, what did you want to show me?
6969: Well, <she remembers what Lita told her about keeping her clothes on> *sigh* Ok. I saw a crack in the masonry.
PM: What?
6969: Yep. I saw a-- <seeing she's losing PM's interest> A HORRIBLE CRACK IN THE MASONRY!!!1! IF IT ISN'T FIXED, MSTBLANCA WILL COLLAPSE AND EVERYBODY WILL DIE!!1!1!
PM: That *is* serious! So where is this crack?
6969: Huh?
PM: Where is it?
6969: Um... Right there? *poin*
PM: Hmmm... <He looks> Nope. I'm afraid that's not a crack in the wall. It's just a shadow. Doesn't look anything like a crack in the wall, really...
6969: Really? Oops. My mistake! *grin*
PM: Oh well, these things happen. I'd better get inside. <He starts to leave>
6969: No! Wait! <She grabs his arm>
PM: Yes?
6969: Uh... (Oh well, time to fall back on what I know.) <She smiles sweetly> So... Do you wanna--
***
Lita: <trying to be friendly> Uh-huh...
Buffalo: Aynd then Ah was thankin, whay shouldn' Ah learn teh express mahself artistically?
Lita: Uh-huh...
Buffalo: Aynd what's thah best way teh express yerself artistically? Music, of course.
Lita: Uh-huh...
Buffalo: So Ah bought this hyere book. It taught me how teh learn teh play the git-tar in fahve easy lessons.
Lita: Uh-huh...
Buffalo: Ah guess what Ah'm askin is, Cupcake II, will you marry me?
Lita: Uh-huh...
Buffalo: Really? WWWWWWWWEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOO!!1!!!!11!
Lita: <startled out of her trance-like state by the loud noise> Huh?
Buffalo: Oh, Cupcake II, Ah'll make the best husband you ever had!
Lita: ACK!!1! No!!1!
Buffalo: Ah have the perfect suit tah wear tah the weddin'.
Lita: Buffalo, I'm sorry. I can't marry you.
Buffalo: Huh?
Lita: Well... uh... You don't want to marry me!
Buffalo: Why?
Lita: Um... because... I'm having an affair.
Buffalo: What?? With who??
Lita: Yep. With Evil Mike. Sorry to break it to you. But as you can see, I've been unfaithful. It'd be best to break off the engagement now before we get the wedding invitations printed.
Buffalo: Ah'm gonna git that sombitch fer stealin' mah woman... <he storms over to another part of the bar to brood>
Lita: You do that. ...crap. Now I feel really bad. <She walks over to where 8714 is.> Are you about done?
8714: I'm just about finishing up. <She climbs down the ladder.>
42: <onstage still, but seeing that it's about time to wrap it up>
...utterly, utterly alone.
And all we can be sure of is,
Uncertainty?
<There is a very long silence>
42: Well? That was the end.
<Her audience all looks at each other, before finally reluctantly giving her snaps.>
42: Thank you! <She smiles, bows, and gets offstage. She rejoins the other two Litas.> Well? Are we done?
8714: Yes! Everything is set up! As soon as Mobius opens the door to his office, it will push on a lever, and then...
42: Yes? Yes!?
8714: White paint! All over his head!
42: What? All this trouble for the old paint bucket over the door gag?
Lita: It's a classic for a reason. Besides, what else could we do on such short notice?
42: I guess PM would be pissed to get paint all over his hat...
Lita: Sure would. But now we'd better... er... yes? Who are you?
<Grampa Mobius has approached the three Litas>
GM: Are you girls Swedish?
Lita: What?
GM: Well? Are yeh or ain'cheh?
<The Litas stare at him blankly>
GM: <walks away grumbling> Stupid Swedes, ain't none of 'em got any brains.
8714: Well, that was rude.
Lita: Oh well. Let's go. I don't want to be here when PM gets the paint on him. Did 6969 ever get back in here?
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Dawn Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Spekkio Club
Green Light
#2640
Okay, let me properly re-do the end...
Date: 02/02/2003
From: PharaohMobius
...of my last post (since no one's picked up on that plot poin yet).
[Okay, so remember, Tork was running away from Madeline and Jonathan, screaming like a big girl. He wasn't watching where he's going, so he ran into a blond woman (who turned out to be Sunday).]
[Tork] Ooof! Sorry about that. I just had to--
[Woman] Hello, Tork.
[Tork] How do you know my rea-- [He realizes who it is and stops short.] Crap!
[Sunday] Now is that any way to greet your loving Sunday, Tork dearest?
[Tork] Sunday! I... I... I...
[Sunday] I know, darling. We've been apart too long. I've been longing to plant a little smack on your cheek.
[Tork, confused.] Really?
[Sunday] Yes, dearest. Really. [She smacks him hard across the face (of course), knocking him over.] Now, what's this nonsense I hear about you trying to find a wife?
[Tork] Eeeeep!
[Uh oh! How's Tork going to talk his way out of this one? And how is it going to affect how the other contestants react to him? Find out in the next thrilling episode of "Joe Robot"!!1!]
<<<Wow, that took less fixing than I thought. Oh well, now it's fixed for real and for true!!! =)>>>
PM
Sarcophagus!
Next up: We celebrate Groundhog's Day....or do we?!!?
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